What can I say? I thought I was good at finding addresses, but I guess I blew it. But that’s no reason to get told off as though I were a fuckin’ 5-year-old, dang! At least it was in that politely rude way in which an assistant would point at a culprit of a crime, a pout out of her countenance and tension in the air… but whatever, it can happen to anyone, right?
-Please have a seat. The doctor’ll call you shortly.
Shortly? How long is shortly? Jee, I hope it doesn’t take them long, I wanna get back home as soon as I sign the goddammit paper… Will I last longer than in my previous job? Will I have a callous and egotistical boss again? I’m kinda hungry again… No way I can get something nice around, there’s something weird about this place. I guess it’s the funny smell… Oh, that’s it, the toilets are right there. They look like that old morgue from the old town I used to travel to with my cousins. Why were we so morbid back then? We loved sneaking into the graveyard and just read headstones. Who knows?… But this place, it looks like an old colonial house that’s about to be up for auction… Whatever… Woah, that’s my probation buddy in the waiting room!
He looks so… fresh. I feel utterly ridiculous wearing this barely tucked shirt and unironed pants. I didn’t know he was so good-looking. His shy beard talks a little bit to my senses & I harldy get what he’s saying. He doesn’t know, but it’s been a while since I last talked to a fellow dude. Women are everywhere: they’re my bosses, my bosses’ bosses, my co-workers, my apprentices, my flatmates & sometimes the voices inside my head. Where are men?!
Lucky him. He was called first coz he got here earlier. I’m kinda freaking out. Most of my dear friends are abroad having a blast, lots of cross-cultural experiences to fill their résumés & plenty of insight. I feel like a fuckin’ deadbeat. A white noise blares deep within whenever I start thinking about it all. Have I brought my earbuds? Let’s see… Fuck! In that case, I’d better get some air. But where? Crap. What are those clerk girls doing anyways? After all, this place looks far from a bustling ER. Legwork is all I can guess. Thank God this is just a one-off check-up.
Woah, that was fast! He just got out. Where is he going? Oh, to report the girls he’s done with that. Alright, so should I. Don’t forget. Checkup then reception. Checkup then reception. Checkup…
-So, did it take me long? Hell, I wanna be done with this before 4pm! Do you think we will make it?
What is this? Has my linguistic acuity been numbed or what? There’s a man right next to me that’s waiting for an answer! But how not to take the deepest pleasure in this moment! But wait, it’s not just that mere epicurean sensation that is overtaking me right now. It’s the memory of him, my friend’s, the one who’s gone, the one who’s in another continent and whose odor I’ve been meaning to enjoy once again.
This is… What the fuck is this?
I feel like hugging him. I feel like discovering the world once again like back when we used to in college. I feel like laughing with him at sanctimonious platitudes. I feel like doing pull-ups with him in the park after lunch. I feel like gossiping with him after the faculty meeting is over. I feel like planning our future together as real old chums would. I feel like patting on his back after a tough all-nighter. I feel like pondering over language, relationships, literature, warfare, cultures, our dreams… all with him.
I fuckin’ miss you, bud.