golden boy

i knew there would come a time when i’d have to turn these thoughts into shape, & it’s not a decent draft, i know that, but at least i can get them off my chest. because after all they’ve been there ever since i first heard your voice in that tiny library, ever since i realized you had the most precious stubble and deepest eyes i’d ever encountered in this life of mine, ever since i secretly started longing not only for your body but also, and most importantly to me, for your soul, for your friendship.

my friend, i have no clue as to what’s going on – sometimes they’re not even the words you’re used to listen to when you’re thinking, you know. instead, they’re the vivid memories of your embracing me, they’re the silly and nervous laughs i give when i’m on my own, they’re the flashbacks of your caressing all over my body, they’re the arousing sensations of your lips on mine when i’m about to go to bed…

i knew there would come a time when i’d have to turn these thoughts into shape, & it’s not a decent draft, i know that, but at least i can get them off my chest. & i gotta say i didn’t wanna do this at all, my friend, because i didn’t mean to sound & feel this vulnerable for the first time in my life, but what can you do? what could i possibly do? you know? i even came up with something while you were away:

“hello, there. i know it’s stupid to say this, but i’ve been thinking a lot about you. & when i say a lot, i mean it. i wonder what your days off are like, who your loved ones and your friends are, what landscapes you behold early in the morning & late at night, why you smile so beautifully at midday, & how sweet you dream at midnight. ever since i first noticed you on that crowded classroom, ever since you sat down right in front of me, ever since you borrowed this very pen i’m writing with now, i’ve been picturing your stubble, your eyes, your hands, your you really close to my me. you’ve made me wonder a big deal!

hello, there. i know it’s stupid to say this, but i’ve been thinking a lot about you. & when i say a lot, i mean it. people don’t usually touch me, you know, at least not as much as you did when i was ‘tutoring’ you. i gotta say i was dead nervous back then, but come to think of it, i miss every single second of that piece of everlastingness you shared with me. i have a confession to make: i’m clumsy, & weak, & lonely, a poor old inward fella that hasn’t really experienced this kind of thing. but let me tell you i DO wanna be YOUR MAN.

hello, there. i know it’s stupid to say this, but i’ve been thinking a lot about you. & when i say a lot, i mean it. i’ve been afraid of what you might think of me if you ever read this, if you ever grasped what’s going on in my head. i wanna be a MAN, not just any man, but YOUR MAN. this is getting far too cheesy, so i’ll cut it off right now…


alright, i can’t! my body is too curious and so is my soul. they want to MAKE REAL LOVE TO YOU: THEY WANNA EXPLORE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR CELLS WITH THE INSTINCT OF OUR BEING TOGETHER, THEY WANNA STOP RIGHT IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT AND BEHOLD THE BEAUTY OF YOUR VIRILE VOLUPTUOUSNESS ABOUT TO BURST IN MY ARMS, THEY WANNA MERGE, SAVAGELY, WITH YOUR BODY AND SOUL IN THE ONLY UTMOST MOMENT THAT TWO HUMAN BEINGS BECOME AS ONE WITH EACH OTHER!”

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