with american accent

every word, every freakin’ word remains deep within me along the image of the scene that brought it to the world, that brought it to me. i feel i’m being born–just now–just right now…………………………………………….i feel like doing nothing, nothing at all, i start hating money, hating religion, hating my parent’s childish decision of having brought me to this corrupt deadland. yeah, coz i’m just one more of their orgasms. there’s absolutely no point, in living, in writing, in being, in wondering, in trying, in remembering, in looking up those fool ones, in trying to sing, in sleeping, in feeling, in falling in love, in being friends with ’em, in working and earning some bucks a month, in speaking this language, in having this melancholic black pain within my chest, in pretending everything’s ok, in being gay, in loving secretly-stupidly, in wanting to go to St Louis and give him a warm hug & huge “thanks a lot, dude”, in needing so bad to cuddle up against A REAL MAN at night………………………….january hurt, and so did december- & november- & october, & 2011 & 2010…………isn’t this fun? this is the past! i’m so old-fashioned!……..”if i didn’t know you are Colombian, i’d say you have american parents or something” mmm…………………………………………………………………. i wish you could teach me more, you know, more about abroadness, about life, about being, about living, about writing, about wondering, about trying, about remembering, about looking up those fool ones, about trying to sing, about sleeping, about feeling, about falling in love, about being friends with them, about        I’m hungry & sleepy.

Themonochromeman

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