uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! certainly, i dont know what or who i would’ve been… i mean… uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… well, at least having a word with this cute friend of mine cheers me up a bit. well, i think this stuff is getting serious & i’m starting to fall for him,,, sure thing.

and being in front of the pc is just one of the saddest, most depressing things one can do… uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… i just reblogged this news about obama’s declining action on antigay discrimination from contractors. actually, i thought america was like the most civilized country on earth, but then there are these news,,, sure it’s sad & depressing… i wanna lay here all my life! uhhhhhhhhhhhh,,, and here its even more depressing

i think we have fun when we hang out, and its not like we hang out a lot or anything,,, what the heck, i gotta stop kidding myself!!! we’ve never hanged out! who cares, anyways,,, isn’t it time to go there? i’m ready! gloomy day, as usual (i try to image it’s pretty much like london’s weather: shitty time!, lol), but here it’s filled with bums & fatty walkers, street moreno kids looking for an angry dad & angry grocers looking vaguely at some forgotten dream of theirs, black-haired indigenous women sitting on the pavement with their hungry kids beggin’ & beggin’ for some contemporary capitalistic life & angel-headed hunks getting ready to work out,,, that’s it, yeah, the barrio. then the gym and “my comrades”. is he around?  shit, it seems hes not. Moment! yeah, just behind that girl, just,,, just go on…

it’s just amazing to recall last night! it wasn’t actually sex,,, (I wish!) but perhaps it was something much better. there i was, in a nearly empty school library waiting for him. 6:13pm & he hadn’t given me a ring… Is he gonna come over or what? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh & RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG & SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-YOU’RE-IN-A-LIBRARY-SR & IM-SORYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! it was him, he was coming. a couple of minutes later he shows up & shines out: OMFG! look at this dorky farm boy holding a pen & an old notebook, a guy that’s so fuckin’ eager to learn, to come here, to learn from me. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! hes gonna be a hunk, sure thing.

“Hey! been waiting for long?”

“I need a poem, go and get it, nocturnal” the poem we read, things we studied, his nervousness i smelled, his laughter i responded, & we left… “come on dude, I wanna show you a couple of things, we’re not that far, come on” in no time we were at his place. her mom didn’t like me, dont kno why… “come on it’s here, have a look, this is what i bought!” he showed me all kinds of books and things he had in his room, a humble place by the way, a humble & filled-with-his-scent one. as he turned book pages, i was gazing at his hands, big rough creations weary of some deed unknown to me. and it was the mystery that really got me interested in that place, in that moment, in that holly holly chance of being with him seeing his deep smile & contentment. I was happy. Finally, we left. he told his mom he wouldn’t be out for long and said to me “let’s have something to eat, i havent got a lot of cash but lets…” this he said and it was just then when i realized i’d been in denial,,, i mean, i was in luv with this guy. i enjoyed every bite of what we ate that night, every bite & every word & every reddish cloud upon us & every laughter & every profanity said by his heavenly lips & every everything. could i possibly be immersed in a dead end? the guy even took me home, why? i couldn’t tell,,, i think i thought of him more than 12 hours straight, i still do actually! and here he comes…

“hiya! doing ok?” sure, pal, who wouldn’t after last night?! 🙂 “sure, aren’t you working out today?” what a shame, he gotta watch over the place, so we’re not having time to talk. but it’s ok, i mean, i dont wanna be that intimate, i dont wanna push it,,, i wanna enjoy every second of our existences now. anyways, today’s chest training, let’s begin… not many guys here, much comfortable…

“come on, go downstairs and do some abs”… oh right, why not? more and more talk, more and more literature, psychology & ourselves… “so what’s your ideal life?” say i… “let’s see, hadn’t i told you that before? i mean, you’re pretty much like a friend of mine, i must introduce him to you… but well, a lonely place in the countryside… hold on a sec, man, some clients are by the door…” sure, go my trainer friend,,, did you know we kinda share many thoughts? that’s why we’re friends after all. “so where were we?… what are you doing this afternoon?, i mean, i wanna go somewhere” what the hell i’m supposed to say now? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! after all, i’m no good at drinking, & if i get drunk,,, with him,,, shit, i’m fuckin’ shy!



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