Those two traditions have become the mainstream how-to-be in here. Shit. They always, everytime and everywhere they tell everyone what to do, what to believe in, how to be a man. Shit. A man!, a man! Do they really know what that is? Have they really thought it through? These guys talk a lot here, I mean, this is a gym, just work out, do your stuff… Are you in a bar? I mean, the music seems bar’s, but you’re doing nothing there and I need that freakin’ machine… Come on! Well, this other guy seems cool. Well, he’s the kinda guy I like. He’s tall like me, he wears clean tank top and shorts, and most importantly, he’s earnest. Nice guy, he. But no way, he’s part of the traditions. Yeap… What the hell is worst: those religious pals that reject all that’s non-Jesus or those that don’t even believe in themselves and all they do is just wandering life from party to party, from bottle to bottle, from ephemeral pleasures to everlasting guilts? What the heck, not my business… Then why I think about that?…

“See you later”, shake hands, just shake hands… Shit, this guy is chatting with this other guy, the one I can’t take… not at all, there he is… just utter whatever… “See you later”… Shit… His eyeballs, it’s him… Always there talking about the daughter I bet he never cares about. Why don’t you shit up!, yeap, SHIT UP! Those so-called men are there everywhere? Yeah… Everywhere, cursing, spiting, thinking and telling everyone they’re victims of some woman… Come on!, are you a man?, just SHIT UP… Let’s just get outa here… It’s hot…

Well, at least the sky is totally blue… Nice, so peaceful. Shit. He didn’t come. I like to be with him… Man, why didn’t you come?… I like your silly stuff about memory, physics and Freud… I hope you’re looking after my book… Should I write to him? No, I facebooked him my number already. Just as my other friend says, “let’s hold out hope”…

Yeah… freakin’ traditions. Here comes people… They always seem so angry. I hate, hate that… Is it some sexual thing like they say at college? I think it is… Shit, and I don’t like being part of them. I don’t want to be that angry, that inhibited! Not at all! But I am… Shit. Here they don’t understand a thing. My dad doesn’t, why they should? “It’s a whim of yours”, he says. Shit. “Be catholic, believe in something, marry a woman, marry, do something with your life”. Why don’t you all SHIT UP! I’m sick of your what-to-do instructions… Thanks, but I’m no machine… like you all. I no wanna…

Traditions… I want to escape, like everyone else, I guess. Sometimes I seem liberal, some others conservative… What the hell… Anyways, why should I fit in their labels! It matters not. And all I see is just a bunch of conservatives, no matter if they call themselves liberals or non-Christians, enjoyers of life… They always do what their “forefathers” did: getting drunk everytime, giving birth by accident, getting married, cheating, divorcing, disappointing their poor old children, damaging a possible love shelter… That sounded cheesy… But I mean it… They’re so traditional… So much the worse if one’s homosexual.

These so-called Christian people are hypocritical here… Some of them do follow Jesus, and they have other names. Many of who call themselves catholics, well, I wonder if Jesus would accept that they actually believe in him… Well, that’s not my business anyways. But… Jesus, I don’t like they use his name… I hate it, he’s not a blanket people can protect from… what from? They’re just programmed to go to a church, say they believe,… That’s the nation: “hate what’s different”, they also point out… Fuck!, do they know how bad this ongoing discourse has damaged my Self, my feelings, my self-confidence ever since I was brought to life in a Paradise governed and inhabited by demons? They don’t. Dad doesn’t, why should they?

Is it two traditions or just one? Shit, it’s like the same curse… And people’s faces are the same, angry and thirsty for money and ephemeral pleasures. I can feel it all, everytime, everywhere. It saddens me… It drives me crazy… Doesn’t it sadden them? I can’t take it, I wanna fly away, I wanna meet my man and just cuddle through the night and be told everything’s alright… It seems a faraway dream, but I don’t want it to be just that, I want it to be my reality… If we don’t dream, we’re nothing but nothingness. Sometimes it’s really tough to dream in the deadlands.



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